An identity crisis can usually be expected when we become a tween...not babies but not quite teenagers either. Maybe again after high school. We are too young to be adults but way to old to act like silly teenagers. Then there is where I sit today. A young, healthy, adventurous. empty nester looking for something worthwhile to fill my life whilst I wait for Jakie-Poo to get home and meet the most amazing addition to our little clan or grandbabies. I'll take both please.
So where exactly is my place in the world. Recently I felt the desire to get more connected with my ward family. I became a more dedicated visiting teacher. I embraced the Activities Co-Chair with gusto. I am loving the Achievment Day girls with renewed passion. I joined the ward choir.
In my personal life I started quilting. I found a sweet little baby that needed to be rocked one day a week for a couple hours. I started playing tennis again....well that's cool so it doesn't really belong in this post.
In the last two years I had traveled to many foreign countries. Had adventures galore. This year I have made a couple road trips and a fateful trip to Mexico. BORING. Doesn't count. I did take a quick jaunt to Paducah Kentucky to attend an awesome quilt show with my sister and sister-in-law (who are very cool) and with 9000 other women. Carolyn and I were easily the youngest and Carolyn the skinniest by miles. MILES. So not cool
I gazed at my open calendar and realized the most exciting thing on there was a mother/daughter (Thank goodness for daughter in laws)quilt retreat to the Ozarks. Yes....Janae' is going back to the Ozarks., country road take me home.....you know the song...
cool but so "uncool".
I'm even concerned about the my social coolness. I've been hanging out at quilting revivals with women in a tent who raise their hands in praise of one Ellen Burnes. The 1st lady of quilting. They sang and chanted and rocked from side to side as she walked the stage. The average age in the tent. 74 years old. I enjoyed it. I like to see new things. I just don't want to look like I might belong there. They are nice old gals but not my people.
Then last night a fun trip to see the Kenny Rogers show. Cool I guess, in a I'm only there because my Mother in Law wanted to see this show for her birthday. Median age at concert. 73 years old. The show was actually pretty good.
The quandry comes when I recognize those old gals aren't MY people. Then where are my people? I want to be at the Brittney Spears Concert tonight or Kenny Chesney. I want to eat at the swanky "Cherry" up at Red Rock Station and not look like a cougar. I want to be able to meet some friends and go eat dinner and maybe some dancing without being a specticle.
Where in the heck do you go when you are 49 years old??? All I know is that when I realized I wasn't young anymore life isn't fun anymore.
So I'll sit. and quilt. and go to choir. rock a baby. clean the house (My favorite). Where did my coolness go?
I want it back.
There is a reward to anyone who can find it and convince me it is me and I can live it.
Where did all this crazy thoughts come from? From the words of the great Elder Runyon, after reading a few weeks of my letters stated-
"MOM, YOU ARE SOOOOO NOT COOL ANYMORE!"
I know son.
I'm working on it.